My crystal ball is on the fritz… I turned it on this morning it flickered, popped and went dark. How am I going to predict the future? I called the Crystal Ball Company. I got a recording saying they stopped making them. I can’t even get parts. I’m totally screwed.
For years in several different fields of endeavor, clients called me up to ask all sorts of questions requiring knowledge of the future. I was always able to provide it. I had a crystal ball.
In one of my past lives as a jockey, horse racing fans would yell over the rail at me: “Can you win this race?” If I acknowledged them with a glance or a wry smile. It meant I either knew “I” would win or I knew “who” would win. I had insight to the future. My first experience with a crystal ball.
When I started training horses, horse racing fans and gamblers would ask the same thing in a different way. “Does your horse have a shot here?” “Of course”, I’d respond. How can I own a crystal ball and not know I have a shot in this race?
When I started buying horses as yearlings at public auction for clients, every single client ask me: Do you think she’s a good horse? Do you think this one can really run? Do you think he’ll run long or short distances? Do you think he’ll like the grass? My answers: “Yes” “Yes” “Yes” and “He was born on the grass, he has to like it.” It was sooo easy!
As the years transferred me from horse racing to futures trading, it became even more obvious success was just not possible without the most sophisticated, expensive crystal ball on the market. If I didn’t have the latest technology on my desk, there was no question my competitor certainly would. He did and I didn’t, then I was toast. If you’re a futures trader and you don’t know the future, who the hell are you kidding! You’re nothing more than a fraud. (Secret: Bernie Madoff, DID NOT have a crystal ball. Proof. Right there.)
As my trading business gathered steam I began to manage more money for new clients. I always upgraded to the most advanced crystal ball technology on the market. It was great! I used it everyday – all day. Made tons of money. I was one step ahead. I had the rights to crystal balls other traders could not acquire. It was a thing of beauty.
Clients called everyday. Client: “How’s the market?” Me: “It’s great. Really strong” Client: “Where do you think the market’s going from here?” Me: “It’s either going up or down. I’ll let you know!” Client: “Fantastic. How much money are we going to make this month?” Me: “Maybe a lot. Maybe zero.” Client: “Great! Talk to you tomorrow.”
Things could not be better! “I had money out the wazoo” I’m serious. This commercial was based on me! >> Check out this video!
A year ago disaster struck. My crystal ball broke. It would not light up. Wouldn’t glow. I only get a clicking sound, a little flicker and a cloud of smoke that smells slightly of burnt toast. That burnt toast smell is me. It’s unbelievable. I mean WTF! If your gonna make crystal balls, you have to make parts, right?
The only customer service rep who’s ever answered the phone at The Crystal Ball Co. just laughed then quoted a Dwight Yoakam song that says something 
about “baby things change” then hung up while laughing..
Yesterday I broke my six months news diet and looked at the financial news. First thing I see, an article by Phil Flynn. This guy was a trader. He was a competitor. He doesn’t know jack..! But right there, right in front of me, his article: “Oil Prices Outlook for 2015”. HE has a crystal ball..! He does, I do not. I’m toast, he’s a wizard. I mean without a crystal ball, how would he “know”? He was such a great trader, Fox Business hired him at a fraction of the money he can make trading. He doesn’t really trade any more, he just likes predicting the future..